Jerry Isn’t Exhausting ALL of His Seating Options

The latest news about Jerry breaking the Super Bowl attendance record is an offer to allow fans to stand in the stairwells for $350. Along with the temporary seating and the option to allow fans to watch the game outside, this plot may be enough to push attendance above 105,000.

But Jerry just still isn’t thinking enough outside the box. Other options remain.

For the first option, note that there are two walkways that run along the retractable roof, which will be closed as usual on Sunday. My bet is that those walkways could hold at least 500 a piece, and those fans could even watch the game even though they couldn’t see the video board. Take a look:

That’s at least 150 yards of walkway, and I bet nobody is sitting up there during the game. I’m thinking the scene could look something like this:

The second option seems even more obvious. Jerry, just buy the damn Wal-Mart across the street from the stadium.


As you can see, it is quite possible to be in the Wal-Mart parking lot and actually be closer to Jerry’s house than you are to Wal-Mart itself. And if you are this close to the stadium itself, then aren’t you close enough to have attended the game?

So you see, Jerry, I just boosted your attendance above 120,000.