Allegedly Inside Source: NFL Wants to Adopt Dez Bryant Assertive Discipline Plan

Most current news about the Cowboys has focused on the draft. Other news has discussed the lockout’s impact.

And then there are the matters of Dez Bryant, who is being sued for more than $850,000 by several jewelers. This comes a week after he was threatened with criminal trespass charges over an incident involving how he wore his pants in a Dallas-area mall.

With the lockout in full force, the NFL cannot do anything to discipline Bryant. However, inside sources now say that the league has decided to impose an assertive discipline plan that it first plagiarized from Ms. Ross, a first-grade teacher in the Pocono Mountain School District in Pennsylvania.

The Cowboys are apparently thrilled with what’s being dubbed DEZ ADP, with a team source allegedly stressing that the league hasn’t named a rule after a member of the Cowboys since imposing horse-collar rule in 2006. Even then, the league failed to properly name the rule after former Dallas safety Roy Williams.

DEZ ADP reads as follows:

Rules

1. Keep hands, feet, and objects to yourself.

2. Follow instructions the first time given.

3. Keep your shirt and shoes on and your pants pulled up.

4. Raise your hand and wait to be called on.

5. Keep your promises.

6. Treat others with kindness.

Rewards

1. Verbal praise

2. Extra free time

3. Receive a good note

Consequences

1. Verbal warning

2. Thinking chair

3. Loss of recess time

4. Visit to Principal’s Commissioner’s office.

5. Receive swats

An informal investigation has revealed that Bryant has already violated articles 2, 3, 5, and 6 of the above rules, which will elevate his Consequence Level to 4. Sources say that Commissioner Roger Goddell “cherishes the thought” of meting out Consequence Level 5 punishment, which will involve a wooden racketball paddle stolen from Mr. Clark’s seventh-grade P.E. class in 1971.